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Playing with the Grotesques

by Knees Tartare

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1.
He was often searching for my eyes I wondered when he would realize that I wasn't looking at him for a reason And you can barely have a thought when he really had you caught and expected you to listen just to please him He didn't want to argue or agree he simply wanted to talk towards me because you can't talk to yourself you need anybody else anybody anybody else and I didn't want to give him that not tonight not tonight and I didn't want to give him that not tonight not tonight And there will be no polite laughter for you, my friend and I know you'll keep going, but this blank face won't bend But you can't even find silence around a guy like that And I'll cave and I'll smile and I'll say something back And he'll pause, out of either is it politeness or is it jealousy? then continue his thoughts a little more condescendingly And I don't think I wanna do that tonight I don't really feel like it's you're goddamn right to have me listen to your every pompous promise & fright just because you know I wouldn't put up much fight He didn't really want to be listened to he just wanted to spew and spew and spew He didn't really want to be listened to he just wanted to spew and spew and spew And though I heard most of what he would say all I thought about was walking away Who cares? No one ever asked you anything who cares No one ever asked you anything who cares no one ever asked me anything
2.
Best Kept 01:52
It seemed they were always fighting and causing trouble for anyone around They were in love, and self destructive, and their parents really had to work to feel proud And then she was pregnant and something had change and they decided it would things would different from then on they would they would be good. and she said you must be true and he said good is all I'll do and they would be sweet to their child and they would only do right they would never steal again and they would only drink one or two or thee nights a weekend, but they wouldn't do drugs with their love they'd be all set But their parents thought the whole thing would end regret But then baby was lost Apparently these things just happen but their determination was only made stronger their will to be good was only made more pure by the blood of that babe And they proved it would be true that good things are all they would do And sure perhaps she had it aborted at the the time she wasn't sure they could But she she could keep a secret and they would be happy and he would be good
3.
For Candide! 01:06
Lethargic disgust would aptly describe life here in old shadypines I was swept in here by kids long ago they'd thought I would die - but i won't And I've heard a hundred old men say they'd escape But I'll be the first to really getaway for candide! For life! But these old lungs can barely take it and this time I'm not sure that I will make it much further than gate or much further down the line but i'll get some pills from my comrades and I'l make it, I'll make it time
4.
How far can one man go? How far can one man go? It doesn't seem the fence ever ends It doesn't seem like there's ever a bend in the road It just goes and goes and goes And I feel something wet in my toes Oh how the world has changed in one long decade everything is bright and buzzing on display I have tell the boys back home about the town But.. I'm just not sure how. and the nights seem colder than they ever were before and I see few kinds faces and even fewer open doors And I'm sure they'll think I died in the snow But I'll show how far one man can go Noting aches, I just feel the cold I'll show how far one man can go out beyond the fence all alone how far one man can go Babbling to myself in the snow how far can one man go
5.
Slow Fade 01:12
His frozen corpse was found in the morning out in the snow Frozen with the grandest smile on his face ten miles past the last fence of the retirement home He left a message carved in a tree, and his kids asked what did it say And every resident of shadypines begged to hear from the one who getaway and it said for candide for candide! I told you all I getaway for candide for candide They'll never forget my name for candide for candide
6.
7.
His warm eyes held her like they had often done and she knew this was their love at its very best and out of habit she lifted the edges of her lips some afraid to really think it was as meaningless as all the rest And she hoped they were all pretending putting on a real good show and she hoped she was pretending but sometimes she didn't even know there didn't seem to be anyway back how would like me to act? So she would keep this secret as a matter of fact
8.
When one is surrounded exclusively by the insane the normal and the fucked-up all starts to seem the same they say that you go crazy Alone by yourself So what's a boy to do? How'can a brain save itself? But maybe there's someone else thrown in here just like me How could I really even know though And why should I even be believed? I'm sure I wasn't crazy when they put me in here But I'm not sure I'll leave with my sanity, I may have lost it already I fear Maybe I won't talk to anyone Or maybe I'll say whatever comes to me Maybe all these lunatics like it Maybe they're doing whatever they damn well please No, stop! Normal don't just say what's actually on there mind They have to conceal their emotions keep it all safe inside And soon I was out the door with a certificate of sanity But surrounded by all these normal people somehow I felt even less free maybe I should I do whatever I damn well please
9.
I've seen his hands moving through open doorways He hides them when I enter the room but his face tells me he must have something to do With the hair in my comb, and the weight that I lose why don't I just runaway Why don't I just runaway I've thought so long I believe what I feel But I'm just not sure any of it is real Oh but my stomachs so sick Does he not hear my cries? Oh I've seen his hands! and I've seen his eyes!
10.
Behavioural 01:40
11.
It seemed she was trying a little too hard She would come off a little creepy like some freak who's also happy so happy And they asked her Why you always smiling? I don't know I don't know I suppose that I'm really happy I just love it all so much I guess it must sound sappy She was just about the friendliest girl around nothing but kind word She was always listening really well to you oh! What a bitch What a weirdo she is so annoying always smiling always laughing how long'll she keep this act going? I wish she would just die or something I am so sick of her But she was always so outgoing even ask her Spanish homework But no matter how much she talked to people No one seemed to like her company People would say her smile was all an act! and when she really yearned for someone else she wasn't sure herself No then she wasn't sure herself when loneliness was all she felt
12.
There is a fortune in the midst A question was asked, please answer it Do you really? Do you really mean it? Oh I know you did, I can see it And he cried tears of joy for her, just a few and she had tears in her eyes too And if she didn't take her words back now she would be his wife she couldn't break his heart, but couldn't let politeness ruin her life out by he road out out by road she will go out by the road out by the road all alone
13.
Oh I've thought long and hard about this And though we have some great memories, there's not a lot I would miss and if I divorce her I lose my whole life and my friends half my money & my property oh it never ends no that's not why we're here tonight and no this is not the start of another fight and I know it sounds rotten, really the worst I'll admit it even seemed wrong to me at first But I've thought about it all, the good and the bad And if I can justify it to myself I could, and I already have You know there'll be lots of sympathy for me A poor widower needs lot of friends you see I could even probably get brand new wife oh and did I mention the insurance policy on her life? Oh things are gonna be swell from here on out I wish it was done already and I had it all right now I have only natural worry everything is going just right Yeah, you see that's why we're here tonight And by the way she was acting I thought perhaps she realized that as I was sitting there I just wanted to take my butter knife stab her right between the eyes But I can keep my cool It'll be happening soon just as I planned it in the light of the moon and out we go for a midnight walk like we did when we were younger to think & to talk and the way her skin glowed by the moon above I almost couldn't help But recall our old love and so I grabbed my gun and shot what it had become and those dying eyes rolled around searching for me and she couldn't move but she cried and I watched as she died and to be honest I didn't feel a whole lot more free But I wasn't sure what to do with all those memories No I did not know what to do with all I knew about her and the more I thought about the whole damn thing the more it seem absolutely absurd no this must just be another one of my fantasies yes that's plain to see But then why is my wife's blood on me? and now this was all seeming like something I would soon regret but at least they can never take the fantasy lives from your head
14.
I'm in this basement no sure whose it is someones touching my shoulder I'm not sure who it is I was feeling so much older but now I feel just like a kid I hoped to act so much bolder But now I'd prefer sit right in the corner here where I can hear music and get over this fear and try not to feel sick Oh why must they interfere Now he thinks I'm a stuck up bitch Why did they bring here They've turned my dreams to shit
15.
Livonian 00:34
16.
17.
Frozen Book 02:44
was it lust of the flesh? I thought it was something else have no you shame? no not all by myself twisting i nearly came must have been around my 12th Oh it's a twisted game It could be nothing else I don't know what you're saying all I hear is complaining We can keep this thing going just keep that smile showing
18.
They talked to him like a child though they were his children His mind was going fast but that still killed him And now they spoke of him like an object And of his property, like it was theirs He seemed confused not sure which face he should be making He was already quite demented either that or he simply did not care He wasn't always certain what he was fighting for But he knew something horrible was coming And now they talked about "nice places" more and more And though they smiled a lot, behind their eyes he saw nothing reaching through a sleepy state passing through the blankets flailing towards a warm heap and ending up way past it He didn't want to be a burden But they wouldn't have heard him Are life and death even really that different? And in the morning when he was to go his "new home" he said he'd prefer to die like his wife in this bed And at first they tried words And they started pulling him and when they even hit him he slit his own throat and he bled and he bled And he pulled them in to stain their faces And they were sure he'd really gone insane But I'm not so sure
19.
20.
Porpoiseless 01:02
As soon as you saw it, ya smashed it to smithereens it was such a quick and well pointless death because when it comes to your nice things you can't even tolerate the idea of insect and it's legs, you know, are still there kicking body's been working all day, but now it's just sitting didn't care if it was just passing thru didn't care if they've been here longer than you 'Cause a whim can be dangerous when you are that small And then one day you're gone for no reason at all and now this room is mine all mine

about

"The grotesques were not all horrible. Some were amusing, some almost beautiful, and one, a woman all drawn out of shape, hurt the old man by her grotesqueness. When she passed he made a noise like a small dog whimpering."

- Winesburg, Ohio

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released August 26, 2012

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